Hey folks,

Yeh, so ____ didn't talk to me all day. What the fuck's up with that? Saw _____ at least four or five times, attempted conversation and got totally denied. I'm sick of all this middle school shit, one day being a close friend that rawks your world, the next not even giving you the time of day. Sometimes I worry that maybe I'm being overly dramatic with all this, but I don't know. Guess it's just hard when you share so much with someone (6 hr phone conversations count for something) and then you get blown off. Non-biased individuals are confused too, so... Who knows. I just hope that shit works itself out, calms down, and stops being so godamn bi-polar. This isn't the first time. If Shipley wasn't as small as it is, I'd say "fuck this" and let it go. Too bad you can't really not see anyone, especially since we have mutual friends and such.

Excuse the bitching. Well, actually, no. Don't excuse the bitching, because it's 6 days before midterms, I'm exhausted, and this is my blog and I'm allowed to vent. Ha. There you go...

You are Rickie Vasquez. You are sensitive,
empathetic, and a hopeless romantic. You always
get stuck in the middle of things involving
your friends. You are gay and like to hang out
in the girl's bathroom, but that's what makes
you so unique. I love you...

Which My So-Called Life character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are artistic, a bit whimsical, and less iconic
than the train on the other side of the Park.
Others may see you as an odd conglomeration of
new and old-fashioned ideas, but you realize
that's part of your charm.

Which New York City subway line are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I love how my math exam is a very large connect-the-dots, and it's literally impossible to fail. Some other things go into it, like scheduling and Steiner points and a few things here and there, but really, all it is is "can you use a ruler and a compass?" Sweet.

English will eat me (yeh, anyone else not remember how to do an exegesis? It's been at least 1.5 yrs since I've done one. Quotations from every single book we've read this year will also be less than amazing), History will eat me. With Spanish there's total hope for survival because the majority of it is grammar and vocab which I rawk. And who the hell knows about that consortium project.

After a long break, coming back to school was surprisingly painless. English class, as usual, was highly entertaining, with everyone bickering and arguing about politics, not even paying attention to the work at hand (although I realized, now a week before the midterm, that I don't really understand any of the poetry. At all). We got out 20 minutes early from AMT, Spanish was Spanish, and History was its usual disaster-fest. Evan and I did our tradition (driving around without purpose in his car, blasting power 99, laughing at all our weird jokes that no one else understands) at the end of the day, and I took a 5 hour nap which made up for the whole night's rest I just didn't get last night. Woop.

I had a really nice time last night. I went to MYA and then after an hour had to escape with Adam. ((Sorry to all the kids who are dearly devoted, but I've gotten over the fact that I want to have sex with women, and at this point I could care less about the people who "discriminate against me" or whatever. There are always going to be people like that. If it's not because you're gay it's because you're wearing the wrong clothes. Get over it.)) We went into the city to go to the Painted Bride because it was First Fridays and usually they have a poetry slam there, but when we got there, the place was entirely shut down, not even a light on inside or people waiting. Three of Adam's not-really-friends showed up and they followed us around, being annoying in that 14-year-old-teenage-boy way, touching everything and making noises. We eventually got rid of them, and on the way back to the car we ran into my friend Djo, who I haven't seen or talked to besides email in a year. He was with two girls, one of whom I've seen around (we have a ton of connections; we were even in the same area of Spain at the same time), and the other who was Australian. We went to the Standard Tap up in Northern Liberties and sat and downed a pitcher of beer together. Right now he has a house in West Philly, close to the CEC, and is involved in a mural project and some bands and things like that. He really wants me over to chill and do some art, so maybe after midterms I'll stop on by. 

Djo's one of the friendliest, most genuine people I know. It's funny, even when I was with my ex, I always liked him better. When my ex was off being an asshole, Djo would come over and talk to me, make sure that I wasn't getting ignored; because a lot of the times when we would go out I'd be "the woman" "the fuck piece" "the girlfriend", whatever you wanna call it, and people wouldn't really talk to me. I was the pretty little creature that followed him around. I didn't get much respect, except from Djo and the occasional friend or musician. I remember this one time when we were at Adrian's house after a jam at Jojolo, and this old trumpeter named Farouk came up to me and said, "Tess, what do you do? What's your talent?" I was so surprised that anyone had noticed me there, that he cared enough to come talk to me. I think that's also part of why now I'm surprised when I meet new people that actually like me, that actually want to know who I am and want to chill with me, just me.

I really wanted to go into the city today and do some shopping, so I guess I'll have to put that off until after midterms. I can't fucking believe that I have to go back to school on Monday. Someone kidnap me?

POSTCARD FROM SOSO:
"dear tess, i hope you are having an incredible year. i hope you are relaxing during your winter break. i hope you are inspired daily. i'm starting up the gsa at my school again. you inspired me. i miss you.
love, soso"

Even though I'm sure that he sent a similar card to everyone from Cityterm, it still made me the happiest I've been all day.

I'm not usually one for sex sites, but Michelle gave me an address to this one place (www.ssspread.com) and it's actually pretty interesting. A teacher at her college started it, and it's all bio-fem queer porn with models that actually look like, and are, really people. It's not that lesbian-fantasy porn made for straight guys where three bubbly school girl roommates decide to play doctor. They're just your average queers who look like they're having great sex.

Good times. I'll see (some of) you all at MYA tonight.

Woody's last night: How effin' fun was that? I think that's the best time I've ever had out clubbing in history. Steve thought that the music was better last week, but there were just so many more people there last night. Even some women, imagine that. These three butches were eyeing me the whole night which was crazy (when else do women seriously check me out like that? Only in a gay club, only in a gay club... It's sad, guys, I give off zero vibe), although I have to say that randomly turning around and finding the same person time after time staring at me is a bit scary.

Otherwise, it's New Years Eve and yet again it's just gonna be me and my dog on the couch, drinking champagne and wishing that we had someone to kiss at midnight. How pathetic is that.

I recommend:
(yeh, it's old stuff, I know, but if you haven't heard, you better!)
Pete Rock and CL Smooth - T.R.O.Y
Souls of Mischief - 93 Til Infinity
Aesop Rock - Daylight

Last night I went to the Roots concert, and it was great. I've never seen so many artists put out so much energy on stage. The crowd response a bit weak, at least where I was standing (near the front, off center to the left), but I guess that's what you get for having a very suburbanite crowd. Was anyone else surprised by that? Anyways, the whole show was hot, my favorite guest artists being Aesop Rock, Mr. Lif, Skillz, and Pete Rock and CL Smooth. I was glad to see one female emcee up on stage (Jean Grae) as well as the Roots doing some of their older shit. After the show I ran into Malle' and John... and my ex. Fucker. Luckily my ride pulled up about 2 minutes later and I could escape. Bad bad memories...